I didn't want Camden 18 months ago (including when I was carrying him). I wasn't ready for the huge commitment being a mother
entailed. I wanted to finish school first.
I was angry a lot and blamed Carson too much for knocking me up.
But it takes two.
Entering into my second trimester, I experienced some of the worse symptoms EVER.
I was diagnosed with contact dermatitis in an area I wish not to disclose haha and I broke out in full body hives almost daily.
I thought I had the chicken pox for the first time or something! It was THE pits!
I started to sink lower and lower into resentment of this little baby I was growing
As I did that, symptoms got worse until God broke me down.
He broke me until I was raw and came crawling to Him for His comfort and direction.
He told me to TRUST in Him and He'd show me the way.
The way to heal, to accept, to LOVE, and to honor the gift that was given to me a year ago today.
So many emotions arise as I think of the journey it took me to get to the point of
unconditional love and adoration.
Camden is my BEST work. My BEST accomplishment next to Carson.
To think, I didn't want him in the beginning of this journey
but God gave me every reason why I NEEDED him.
From when I could look at an ultrasound and actually be HAPPY and cry of the happiness for him
to 12 months later as he has grown into an active, BEAUTIFUL, little boy,
He has BLESSED me! Blessed me with the opportunity to lead and guide him through life.
I can never repay God for His mercy on me.
I love you Camden! Happy 1st birthday my lo
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